Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
