something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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