He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
