she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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