my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
