I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
