Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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