no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
