Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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