Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
