Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
