but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize