I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
