Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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