I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
