Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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