i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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