dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
