It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
