why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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