You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
