I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
