I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
