Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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