I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's rum buckets o'clock
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