I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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