i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
please don't ironically join a cult
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