I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
