apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
