I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
