Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
