last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
