The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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