thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
