Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im holly from the hills drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
