Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you never un-have a 4some
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize