why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
