cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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