Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
