There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I fill condoms, not promises.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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