So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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