You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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