Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
