i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
