I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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