Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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