u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
