Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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