I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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