so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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