careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
