wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
