This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
