Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i out mim tonsoeep
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