make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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