Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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