there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
