I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
