My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
