i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did i walk over a car last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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