There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
