I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize