You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
