pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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