They should really pass out barf bags in church
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
