can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize