im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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