If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
