Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
