Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
