i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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