If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
