i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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