you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize