i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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