We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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