In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
