trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my being single is dangerous.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
