The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
