Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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