Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
