Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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