just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
