I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
