Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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