it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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