i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is Oprah even human
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
