Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
