Already got asked if we're dating
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
