My nipple is on Facebook.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
