Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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