i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
