I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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