3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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