We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
