can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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