Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
