i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
