He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
