I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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